I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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