it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
