Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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