I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
