Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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