all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize