I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
