Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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