I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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