and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
