i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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