Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
