Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
