I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am puke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
