sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
