I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
