bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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