i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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