So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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