is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
