Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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