I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
