No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
