i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
