made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
