My first STD was from a foam party
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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