I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
