I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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