do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
