im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
