Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
