She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
