Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i have two assholes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
