Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
