i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize