I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
