awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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