dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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