yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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