I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We're too hungover to prance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
