billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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