everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
