bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
