good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Alive.
So much puke
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize