billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
