I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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