Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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