Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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