I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
