Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize