I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
