i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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