the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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