I just saw a hot homeless man
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
