I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
