the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
