New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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