Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
