From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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