i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
