I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
