you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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