who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize