i think my mom watched the whole time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
