Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
