I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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