the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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