im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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