fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
