you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
