when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
