fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
