sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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