i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize