There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
