I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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