i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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