Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize