i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
