Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
