the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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