You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
