Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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