carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
