don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize