Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
