I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
