My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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