I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
