You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
