I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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