you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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