u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize