yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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